VLOG SCRIPT HIGHLIGHTS S2E3 – 18.01.26
I had a bit of a moment this week where I really felt that I’d achieved some dreams, not of what I want to be, but rather what I want to do. Having this space with this collection of equipment that I’ve built up over 30 years, but most importantly having the privilege of time. It’s never been about status or using your status to become a Caligula style shagger.
I’m just about to pitch on a TV show that I really want to do. And I think this attitude which is recently earned for me of focusing in on what it is you want to spend your time doing and not what you feel you should be, not other people’s idea of what success is imposed on you seems to be strangely serendipitous with that of giving your client a great experience.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I did an absolutely massive job that took up two and a half years of my life that’s only just really coming to a close and will be on the TV soon. I’ll be able to talk about it then. But I knew that it was going to be a massive commitment. And when you’re younger, you have less of a concept of time. You think you’ve got longer than you have. Any job that I take these days that’s going to be two and a half years of my life is a serious proportion of the life I have left. So, to do something with view to what’s over the horizon seems like such a remarkable waste of time particularly if that is time spent unhappy.
This vlog has been an amazing journal of that journey: I wanted to give up my chosen profession, that of being a media composer. And throughout that experience, I’ve got my head around it as to the reason that I wanted to do that, not because of what I wanted to be. It’s just something I wanted to do. And also, in that time I’ve discovered this other thing which is: it’s just about creation whether it be of sounds samples of videos of artwork of GUIs. Just making and having the opportunity and ability and I guess the support of people like yourselves. That’s what I want to fight to protect.
When people describe me as an entrepreneur, I wince. It is not what I enjoy. And the way that I’m trying to wrestle Crow Hill into what I think it needs to be, the barometer of that is how much time we as a team spend creating.
This big long series that I worked on, I was aware of the commitment it was. And I simply and somewhat whimsically said, “Wouldn’t it be good if..? and my pitch to them was folk John Williams” And they said, “That sounds like a lovely idea.” The reason behind it was I want to work with musicians local to me. I don’t want to have to travel to London all the time, but also wanted to do something that was a challenge to myself, something that I wasn’t entirely convinced I could carry off.
And so, on this TV show that I’m pitching for this weekend, I’ve decided to make a score from Omniord and Saxophone Band. Not because I’m being wanky, because I really do think that it’ll provide me with the constraint and inspiration to give them what they need. And it’s a difficult brief and I don’t want to talk about it because I’m bound by an NDA. If I don’t get the gig, I’ll tell you all about it. Not the TV show, but about the pitch and how it went. And I think the difficulty that I’ve had in the past, this quest for status, which is so common in us all, particularly with what we’re surrounded by, I masked my music, the actual truth in it. It was layer after layer after layer, more and more and more, more complexity, more effort.
Whereas, what I’ve discovered over a career of 30 years, the favourite cue of any given project will always be the one that’s the simplest, that is the most direct, tells the story in the most succinct manner.
Omnicord saxophones. It is not because I’m trying to be quirky or kooky or draw attention to music, but it’s a genuine feeling that something will spring out of the tension of that restriction and create something that I think is unique but also honest and truthful. And I guess that’s another thing that I want to do is to be honest and truthful. And it’s something that I do think that to a certain degree I have been on this channel and why I really really thank you for the lovely comments regarding the reinstatement of this vlog last week. It really does egg me on. If you can subscribe, that’ll be even better.
You know what attracted me to that guy Bruno from Fame, it was I think the isolation and solitude, the idea that you could get all of this kit and just on your own work away and hone stuff and engineer. And what I’ve realized is that there is a way to be collaborative which isn’t a compromise.
Being surrounded by people who can say you’re good enough. What you’ve made is good enough. Stop right there. No need to add more layers. I think that I’ve heard from people who have worked with him that one of Rick Rubin’s best talents is just hitting mute buttons on desks. Okay, there you go. That’s all you need. And I think the same can be said for status. We’re not in a race.
Although social media would like to make us feel like we are, there are so many opportunities and outlets for compare and despair, you know, for any of you who is on Instagram and and makes music, it is just a picture after picture after picture of people standing on the the steps to Abbey Road Studios and stuff and it just makes you feel like an utter failure. And I’ve conditioned myself, I think wrongly, to feel those pangs.
But just that moment when I said this this is the dream. It really is. It’s not about the steps of Abbey Road, it’s not the podium, accepting the Oscar or having fair maidens surround me because of my status. It’s about working with a bunch of people who have a similar outlook on life, a similar idea of aesthetic, and a similar excitement towards the opportunity to spend time making.